Thursday, March 12, 2009


sittin’ here in my room, the magic by the shins are coming out of my speakers – i’m in love with it.

got myself all confused again, but what’s is new?  all confused, yet not only bad though, not only bad...
what to do? it’s not that i don’t know what to do – it’s how to find the time to do it all.
but  yet i know, i won’t have time to do it all, but i just can’t seem to pick anything out to actually do.

now though, is always now. and right now all i have to put my energy down to is school. i hate so say that
nothing is more important now. school school school. printed in my head, making me sleepless at nights.
what else is there? hopefully it will all be worth it in the end. not the end, but when my real life begins.

sweet home america, i need to go back. i was sitting by my computer, as always, but i couldn’t stop
staring at my ol’ high schools website. i was just sitting there, staring. it was all stop and stare. reminds
me off prom,’stop and stare, i think i’m moving but i go nowhere’. that’s how it feels right now.
senior year in high school was all good, i was loving every day and i cried my heart out when we graduated.

but it’s over now. my home is not in the states now, it’s right here and right now. some days i feel like a robot,
i wake up, i get dresssed, i go to school, i come home, i do my homework, i’m pumped out, i go to bed.
i must be the worst friend ever. ever. my friends are the best, but somehow i feel like i’m not good enough back.
they deserve the best, truly, honestly and really, really the best.

today i watched life of ryan, a show on mtv of ryan scheklers life – and i wanted to cry. cry my eyes out and
my broken heart away. but i couldn’t, i didn’t wanna seem like the girl who cries to life of ryan. it reminded me
though, of the good life. the real life.

i hate being all negative, i really really do.  and actually i’m not. i’m just tired, of always being sick and tired.
but june 5th school will be over, and after that – come what may.

i need love, but this life is too short to live it just for you. i’m stupid, stupid enough to let him go,
so i don’t deserve him. i don’t wanna hear another “one day you’ll find someone”, well i don’t want to
do it when im 40. i want it now. i wanna be crazy in love, so in love i’ll do anything for him. crazy in love,
like i’ve lost my mind. us against the world. no boundaries. like i’d love him forever. but there is none.

what else is there? all that there is not.
oh, by the way,  is it the laugh that makes you live longer, or is it the non-presence of the pain when you’re laughing?

friends, wherever you are – there is sunshine, i don’t need to shine. i know i’ve got you babes.

one republic – stop and stare

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